Day 57

Weigh in day! This is how fucked up my body is and why I really can’t trust whatever number it says on the scales. So got up this morning, gave it a beat until I could poop (gotta get a couple extra grams off before I weigh myself!) and jump on the scales to a very disappointing 100 gram loss. It was actually what I was expecting but it still hurt like crushed testicles. I mean, the amount of times I say no to myself the past 8 weeks, the amount of times I’ve walked further than I need to or tried to walk faster, the amount I am pushing myself… it’s just a kick in the guts when very little happens. Like, come on! The fact I’m not eating bread or drinking coke should be enough without anything else for me to be shedding fat, so when nothing happens on the scales it’s so defeating. It feels like such a lot of effort for so little reward… lol, a lot like my marriage really.

I decided, after noting it down, I’d jump on one more time after I drop the kids off at school and see what the scale has to say. So when I first weighed, I came in at 133.7, a whole 0.1 down from last Monday, when I got on the scales after I got home from the school run, the scales read 132.9… I literally got off and got back on two more times just to make sure the scales weren’t fucking with me. All 3 times it read 132.9. Well fuck it, I’m gonna take that weight and run with it cause 900 grams is a fuckload better than 100 grams that’s for sure! So as far as I’m concerned, I lost almost 1 kg this week.

But really, what the fuck is up with my body? It would have been just over an hour between the first time I weighed and the second and not a single thing had changed other than I peed twice… did my 2 pee’s combined weight almost 1 kg?!!! For serious? I don’t get it. That is also why, if I ever reach double digits again, I’m not going to acknowledge it or accept it or celebrate it until I have stayed in the double digits for at least 2 weeks in a row cause I simply won’t believe it.

That means I have managed to lose 8.6kgs so far in 8 weeks. That is a pretty good effort. I would have liked more and I’m not sure how I’m meant to do more, but it is still a good effort and even though I don’t notice those 8.6kgs, they are gone and I hope they are gone for good and I hope more will come and the more I lose, maybe then I’ll begin to notice. I have a feeling I won’t truly notice until I leave the 120s behind though. I really hope I can keep this up because I’m so excited and look forward to being under 100 kgs. I really hope I can make it there by my 44th b’day. That would be the best present ever.

Today I did well with eating, so today I won.

What do you think?