I tell you, this uni thing is stressing me out. Having to find adequate references for shit, trying to figure out how to do a presentation with two other people, feeling like I could tick one pending assessment off the list just to have it rearranged and changed on me after I thought I was done so I feel like I basically have to start all over again. It makes me sick. Then Bella is here walking around my chair meowing at me as I’m sure she can feel my stress rising. It’s all so overwhelming. I can really feel the load right now and I just want to get some shit done in order to lessen the tension. I’m not sure if I can make it. But I’m not sure if I can NOT make it either. I wish I could have a glimpse into what my world will look like if I manage to pass this damn bachelor and get a job that pays me in the field. I definitely don’t want to fucking run my own business and work for myself. I really just want someone else to pay me and pay me some superannuation and to get paid holidays would be amazing.
It is interesting to note that it’s not, that I’m consciously aware of, making me reach for food. So that is super interesting. Normally my go-to with stress is junk food. Feed me chocolate and chips and cake and ice cream and fizzy drink and cookies and bread… but I have zero desire for any of that stuff. That feels good, to not have that particular demon on my back hounding at me. I hope that is a thing now. I hope that is something that has been released from me now with thanks to Ereshkigal. I feel like journeying with her in a really conscious way has seriously changed my life.
I just don’t know if I can do any more assignment work today. I would like to try and read a bit more of next weeks reading for the new subject just to get that out of the way though. I need to see what needs to be done over the weekend I’m away to see if I can get extra done before that so I don’t end up falling behind or having to spend my whole long-weekend away reading uni stuff. I think a walk is in order, then a cuppa and I’ll do some reading before bed then I can work on getting the 2500-word assignment done tomorrow hopefully and get some work done on the immune system crap. Blah.
Today, I won.