Day 66

First day of the new subject. I love this subject because I get to just play with drawing and art all day. Next week we aren’t even going into the classroom. We’re going to the art gallery and exploring the art gallery! That’s pretty exciting. I’m partnering up with Sarah which is great. Connected with her on messenger which I’m happy about because I like her. She’s one of my favourite people in the course.

Feeling really dumb again today though. Got partnered up with the person who reminds me of my fricking youngest sister on a number of levels, only she seems nicer than my youngest sister and I am pretty sure she’s been home schooled which means she’s probably a hell of a lot more intelligent than me and she definitely made me feel inferior today and old… Now, I don’t normally feel old but she said something when she was telling me about using google documents that came across like I’m old so I might not be so technology able. I ignored it but it definitely got my goat up. Then she kept using big words and she had already begun working on our presentation and I felt 10 steps behind. It probably doesn’t help when it all feels well beyond my brain capacity and I’m already doubting whether I’m even capable of doing this course :/

So, today was a pretty big day and very intensive and apparently I’ve had some emotions come up which is interesting. Something I have experienced today has bought up some old wounding and either I’m imagining it or it really happened but one of the humans (because you know we’re all gender fluid so wouldn’t want to offend anyone….) saw me waiting for the elevator to go down to the train platform and, well I read micro expressions I think that’s a big part of how and why I know what someone is thinking/feeling when combining that with energy, and she gave this very brief look of contempt toward me. She didn’t realise I saw her first out of the corner of my eye then my eyes turned toward her without me needing to turn my head toward her. She, I imagine, doesn’t even know I saw her see me.

As for food stuff, I did good today. So go me. Today, I won.

What do you think?