DAY 88

So I sit here typing this at 8.30 pm and I’ve not even walked 1000 steps. I will go for a walk soon to get my steps up and burn some extra calories though because according to my log of calories in and calories out I’m 213 calories in excess and calories in excess is NOT conducive to weight loss. So a bit of a walk should hopefully help with that. It doesn’t help that I had a small bag of popcorn today and apparently, they are worth 375 calories. That’s not a lot to eat for so many calories :/ I didn’t think popcorn was that bad! I’m also currently enjoying two chocolate coated sticks of liquorice a day as well and that apparently comes out to around 380 calories too, so without the OF shakes or dinner I’m already at half my allowance. Needless to say, I went over my intake allowance today but today is one day and I really don’t mind. I need to be allowed to just eat more than I should some days. Though it does leave me wondering… how on earth will I be able to eat low enough to lose weight once I start getting thinner and my basal metabolic rate goes down? And how, once I reach my target weight, will I ever be able to maintain that, like I will barely be able to eat anything and that doesn’t sound very fun at all.

For instance my dinner tonight was a big plate of lettuce, gherkins, corn, avocado, mushroom, tomato, onion, cauliflower, chicken and cheese. But it was a big steaming pile of food and I still felt like I could have eaten more after it was done… so, how am I meant to cut that in half or even quarters?!!

So food-wise I guess I didn’t win today? Though really I didn’t eat anything bad, so… I don’t know. I just don’t know how it all works. It was barely a handful of popcorn and liquorice is good for you isn’t it? I guess I’ll see how weigh-in goes on Monday. This morning I was back over 130 kg which sucks. I really need to get under 128.5 kg to stay on my 1kg/week track and right now, that’s 2 kg from where I was this morning :/ It’s disheartening and my motivation isn’t as strong anymore. My why isn’t as powerful anymore. I know I need to start with the more high intensity exercise now and start doing weights but I barely find time to walk these days… there’s just no time for anything and I’m suppose to be sitting her thinking there is plenty of time? Nope, there’s not. It’s running out and I can’t seem to fit everything in that I want to or need to. Blah. Not feeling a win today. Feeling quite shit today to be honest. Maybe this is my post-camp blues starting to hit. We’ll see how I feel after the Samhain ritual on Saturday, maybe that will give me the boost I need.

What do you think?