DAY 90

I had lunch instead of dinner today because I knew I was going to go into the city to take part in a Samhain ritual hosted by the Temple of All Gods… or something like that. There were a number of familiar faces, which was comforting. I got a bunch of hugs, which was really nice. I was told yet again that I give good hugs, which I know I do because if I am going to hug you, I’m going to hug you properly, none of this half-assed courtesy social hug shit. I hug for real when I hug. That’s why my hugs are so good.

The ritual itself was… anticlimactic. A little lacklustre. The premise was good but there was something very contained about it. I could be wrong but I think this is the first ritual of it’s kind hosted by these guys and it’s a bringing together of multiple traditions so I think there was a little bit of feeling around to see where the edges are, what is acceptable to all, inclusive, and it felt like people held back, like they were keeping themselves contained. Perhaps it was because it was Samhain and it was meant to be sombre? Or more quite? I don’t know. For me there was no really clear casting of the circle and the elements were all lumped together and the whole thing wasn’t participatory and I think that was what was lacking, because without that participatory casting and calling of sacred space there felt like there was this lack of power and lack of strong container for the working. It all felt rather contrived and rehearsed. I feel like it could have been far more powerful and I don’t know if it was because of the space we were in or because of the mixture of traditions or the newness of it all but it was a little disappointing. The best part of the evening for me was getting to speak to the campers and get hugs from people. Maybe it will grow and get better. Maybe some ground rules or norms will be set in place. I think the biggest part for me is sacred space was not adequately laid and the cone of power wasn’t … empowered? The oomph of tossing it out into the far reaches of Brisbane almost got there but at the same time, I wasn’t clear on the intention of that energy and what it was doing. That is another thing lacking for me, where was the clear intention of the energy we were working with and gathering?

Anyway, it is what it is and I’m grateful I went. Each time I have an interaction with these people it becomes a little easier, a little more familiar and a little more like home. I wish I could skip to the part where we’ve known each other for years and had many experiences together but that takes time.

Tomorrow I get to read all my uni stuff and maybe perform my own ritual and build a solid sacred space and cone of power and give my energy the release it’s desiring. As for food today, I feel like I won.

What do you think?