Day Five

Today has been a bit brutal. The hard pit of pain that radiates adrenalin outward has come in waves all day. I haven’t really been hungry though so that is a good thing right?

Went to the shops again today to get stuff and I have to say it was difficult. My eyes just latch on to one thing after another and my brain thinks of one thing after another. Gimme says, Get this, get that, what about this, what about that, but we have to get this, we neeeeeed this. So today it was almost a non-stop onslaught and I just wanted wanted wanted. Yet I didn’t cave so I have done well.

I found out today, well rather it was confirmed today, that Voldemort has a girlfriend. He took the kids to dinner to introduce them officially. Even kissed her a few times. I can’t tell you how that makes my gut wrench. I thought we had an agreement to let each other know before we introduced our significant others to our children but there was no heads up from him. As in our relationship, he keeps himself to himself and doesn’t bother to share anything of himself with me. No wonder I always felt left out in the cold with him. He never included me in anything really. I was his symbol to world so he could say he was married, I looked after his children and cleaned his house (not well enough if you ask him), did his laundry, did the shopping, cooked dinner, made lunches, etc, etc, oh and I was a good place to get his dick wet when he was horny but other than that, I wasn’t a part of his life. I was never invited to go out or along to get togethers for drinks, I was never really told anything by him. So it really shouldn’t surprise me that he has had a girlfriend long enough to be fucking her no doubt and long enough that they all got together happy little family style and had dinner together without letting me know it was happening. He literally left the dirty work of telling me about it to our 12-year-old daughter. Seriously? Grow some fucking balls and just let me know shit.

It’s stupid that it should hurt still, so much, after all this time.

But, in other news, I guess that means I don’t have to tell him shit about my future partners or bother to ever explain to him that I am polyamorous and thus have multiple partners that I plan to spend time doing things with. He has set the precedent and shown me that I do not have to tell him diddly fucking squat. Also, he may never find out anyway because my kids don’t share a hell of a lot with him because he’s a douchebag and nobody likes him.

Still… I hope she is lovely. I hope my children like her and get along with her and her child. I hope she makes Voldemort happy in a way I never could no matter how much I tried. I hope she is good enough for him in a way I never was. I hope, thanks to me, he treats her better than he ever treated me. I hope he did go to a lot of psychology sessions and get some help in self-development and anger management and he is a better human for it and therefore he is really good to her. She looks super sweet and I hope he doesn’t break this one like he broke me. I really do hope they have the relationship we were meant to have, the one he promised me but never delivered on.

So yeah, today was brutal but I made it through.

Today, I won again.

What do you think?