Day Forty-One

I feel like lately I’m getting worse and worse, lest strict, and making excuses or compensating. Like today I ate a whole pack of those twiggy stick meat things and to justify that, I didn’t have an OF for lunch, but a whole pack of twiggy sticks is like 600 calories and the OF is only 201. I had a good dinner but I haven’t done my 5500 steps today either. I feel like this stuff is happening more and more and so I’m worrying that it’s starting to slip and slide and that I’m going to find myself off track again soon.

Has my motivation waned? How do I get another dose of that? If it’s not that, then what is my motivation? There’s nothing else strong enough. I guess it’s hard to sustain that deep desire when there’s nothing pressing on your mind. I’m certainly not doing it for myself or for my health. I’m not doing it for my kids. I don’t know. I mean, I’m not completely off the wagon, I’m still very much on it and I am loving losing weight and maybe this slipping and sliding is okay and it’s not going to snowball and I will continue on. I hope I continue on because I really want to be at least under 100 kgs before I have to meet her.

Really, other than the twiggy sticks though – which is just fake meat with no gluten at least – I did ok today. I needed to feed my brain anyway after all the damn reading for Uni which I still have a veritable shit tonne of left to do. Plus I have to clean the damn house tomorrow.

Today, I didn’t win out right, but I didn’t lose either.

What do you think?