Day Forty-Two

I’m really struggling today for some reason. Perhaps it is because I have had to read so much for my course and so my brain is probably craving a feed. Also, it leaves me tired and when I’m tired, I definitely crave carby/sugary foods and easy foods, not foods that you have to spend time preparing like a salad. I succeeded in not caving though, even though I went to the shops today, so that right there is a win. I’m just noticing that it is hard today and my inner fat bitch is being particularly loud and insisted today. It doesn’t help that I’m expending a bunch of energy cleaning as well in preparation for Tuesdays inspection. All of that is leaving me just wanting to be held, supported, and food does that for me.

It was exceptionally difficult to not eat any bread today. The fight was real today. It was so real. Visceral. Intense. It took a very, very deep effort to say no and to keep saying no, over and over and over again. I made one kidlet jaffles, the other eggs on toast and it took every ounce of my will to not just say fuck it and eat one slice of bread. I knew if I ate one I’d eat more. I feel exhausted with the effort of it.

What do you think?