Day Thirty-three

Today I said goodbye to a lady who I could have potentially had a good relationship with … if she didn’t live on the other side of the world. This seems to happen to me a lot and I don’t have the capacity to dig into that deeper right now but I am a little tired of it. It would be super nice to find and connect with like-minded souls that live near me so we could spend time together in real life and not via the interwebs. I mean, I love my interwebs family but it would be nice to have people to spend time with in real life is all.

Went to the dietitian. She was lovely but didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know, which is disheartening. Her main thing was go home and find your why. Well, I already know my why and it’s not a nice why so it’s not really something I particularly want to be telling her. She said your why should have some kind of emotionality behind it, so when you tell it to someone it should evoke emotion within you. Well, mine does, very much and it’s a powerful why, but it’s not some lardee dah I want to be healthier and live a longer life for my kids bullshit. It’s a nasty little vindictive I want to be better than you why. Whatever, I can accept my shadow self, can you?

I had to hop on her scales while I was there and they showed me down at 135.8 kg, so that’s a much better result than I’ve been having the past two weeks. Now, is that because of the tablets I was taking that I got from the naturopath, or is it because I was premenstrual and now the part of my cycle is done. Does that mean I’ll have 2 weeks of great big losses followed by 2 weeks of barely anything? What exactly is my norm going to be? Her other advice was to push through when the plateau hits and get rid of your expectations and be consistent. No way, really? I had no idea. I thought my hitting a wall and crashing into a pile of I-don’t-give-a-shit heap was definitely the way to go. She told me about studies where they helped people lose weight then got them to go back to how they were eating which made them put on weight to begin with and it showed that they put on weight twice as fast. Then they put them through it again on the same lose-weight diet but it took them twice as long to lose weight the second time around and then when they had them put the weight on again with the original diet they put the weight back on three times as fast.

Well, I’m not normal okay. I’m always the anomaly and I will be here as well. This time, with this very strong why, I got this. Yeah, I only lost 100 g last week but it hasn’t stopped me. Not even a little bit. I am so fucking determined this time. I WILL get under 100 kgs by my b’day. That is my first goal. We’ll see what we see from there.

Anyway, today, I won.

What do you think?