I don’t know what it is…

… but there is this definite push to get moving lately. The more we get in to the last half of the year the more my Inner Dialogue (ever notice that makes ID… for identification, and what else is your identification than your Inner Dialogue, HAH!) keeps hounding me to take action. Take action. Take action.

So I spent far more time than I realised it took to photograph, edit, upload, tag and describe all my recent polywork creations.

 Polyclay Play

It doesn’t really look like that much to me when I view this photo. But it did quite literally take me hours! And for what? To sit in my Etsy Shop for 4 months doing nothing? Probably. Why? Because I’m clueless! I put them up there, I tagged them… well now what? Why aren’t they flying off the shelf? Because no one is seeing them. At least that’s why I hope they aren’t flying off the shelf and it’s not because they are all horrible and no one likes them!! Isn’t it wonderful how our Inner Critic loves to gallop away to the most drastic conclusions?

Why isn’t anyone seeing them? Is it really because I haven’t spent any money on advertising? Really? Is that all I have to do? Put some money in to advertising my shop? I don’t know. I guess the only way I will find out is if I actually try. Clearly just putting it out there on my personal and business pages on Facebook is not enough. Especially not on the business page thanks to the ever harder ways it is for your fans to actually see your posts without having to spend money there as well. Is that it? Do I have to spend money on Etsy, Google and Facebook to get these things out of my house?

What about blogging? I tried blogging, as you can see by previous posts, yet very few people actually read it. I have to assume I don’t have anything interesting to say. Or perhaps people don’t understand the twists and turns my mind makes. Or perhaps even still the topics I write on are not of any interest to anyone but me. I do not know. What I do know is I always end up coming to this place of wanting to throw my hands up in the air and give up, throw the towel in, crawl in to a dark little hole and cry my eyes out.

On a more spiritual note I know it’s because I have this great big tug’o’war happening. This push and pull of wanting to be seen and not wanting to be seen. It’s like a World War only my body is the world and the voice in my head are at war. Blood does get spilled but no one ever dies. They just go on and on arguing about the same things round and round like I’m on a merry-go-round. I guess that is why I keep feeling this shove to take action. I don’t know if it’s me, my Nana in her spirit form nudging me, the moon cycles, life cycles, or what, but it’s there and so I am here. Here typing my first blog in months because I keep hearing this whisper telling me to get to it. I keep having this desire to type or write or just dribble on about whatever comes to my head.

I think I have become so sick of listening to the inner debate that I am actually doing something. I am actually, meekly, weakly, timidly, putting myself out there to be seen then holding my breath as I wait. What am I waiting for? Some kind of action… or inaction. Y’know, inaction to prove that Inner Critic right about not being wanted, not being good enough, not being smart enough, loud enough, not wanting it enough, not having the proper skills, and on and on and on. Yet here I am. Typing to whoever bothers to read this (no one) and hoping something happens (nothing will). Don’t you just want to slap that Inner Critic? I do.

So we are sinking down to the new moon at the moment. The new moon is on Saturday. The day before my husbands birthday. It’s funny. I have known my husband since he was 17 and to think he is turning 35 on Sunday blows my mind away. When I think about turning 40 at the end of the year it’s ok. I almost feel like I’m already there anyway. However, my husband, my YOUNGER husband, is getting old *laugh*…. aaaaaand I went on a tangent.

As we sink toward the new moon, it’s a time of shedding the old and unneeded things in our life. It’s a time to wrap up projects and finish those things that are laying around waiting. It’s a time to start thinking about what you can let go of now in order to bring in new and fresh things with the new moon. So tell me, Constant Reader, what are you shedding right now? What is it you need to finish or let go of?

What do you think?