Random rabbling

How can we be a whole week in to January already? That is just crazy talk! Yet here I sit at my laptop looking at the date and it is telling me it is January 7th already! What have I accomplished so far this year? Not a hell of a lot! What about you? Have you made any progress toward any goals you’ve made this year yet?

In fact, as I sit here and ponder the nature of the universe (not) I discover not only am I not moving forward but I seem to be moving backward. Some days I can fool myself in to believing I’m ok, then inevitably some kind of proverbial shit will hit the fan and crash bang boom I realise I’m not so ok. Then I feel bad about not being ok.

Do you ever get sick of yourself? Just over it all and wanna slap yourself upside the head cause you know what you need to do to make yourself better but you find yourself not doing that, or even worse, doing the complete opposite? That is me. I am so over myself! I want to kick my arse out of bed at 6am and start walking again in the mornings because I KNOW I feel better when I do that. I want to kick myself up the butt and drink a cup of water every hour again cause I KNOW I feel better when I do that! I want to kick myself up the butt and do some extra exercise cause I KNOW it helps create endorphins and endorphins make you happy happy joy joy! I want to kick myself up the hiney and get the house cleaned and organised and the shed, cause I KNOW I feel better when my house is neat and tidy and I throw away the clutter I no longer need. I want to slap myself upside the head for not doing any of this stuff even when I KNOW I feel better when I do.

Why must I feel so damn tired all the time? I’m so tired of feeling tired 🙁 I started Isagenix because I heard left and right about how people had so much more energy being on it and that excited me. Having energy excites me. If I had energy I could do more! I could be more! I could wander through life without feeling so heavy all the time and feeling like everything is such a struggle. Well, I’ve been using it for almost 2 months now and you guessed it, still no energy. I have spurts when I’m doing well and getting stuff done and I love that, but then I fall in to these days, weeks, forever, where I can barely lift a finger to type or do art. It is driving me bat-shit crazy but you know what is worse?! I know that if I walk, exercise, drink more water, eat lots of salad and stick to Isagenix properly and get heaps of sleep… I will be better. So why, why don’t I?

I’m sure my husband has that question run through his mind often. I’m sure a number of people who witness my journey think this thought. *I* think this thought. I have no answer. Neither does the one person in the entire world who gets it. Neither her nor I have no idea why I don’t do what I know I need to do. Well, at the end of the day, at least I have one person who really gets it, without me having to try and explain it… cause really, how do you explain it well enough to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves, in a way that they would understand?

 

What do you think?